Recent insights on why peace breaks down

Through recent personal experience I have come to know the breakdown of peace within my relationships. I will attempt to describe the insights I have gained from this lesson. A very dear long term relationship is coming to a dramatic changing point. In the hours preceding that decision, the outlook for the relationship looked very bright. Both parties were looking forward to many positive returns. Each investing effort and seeing the value, like any healthy relationship. So my story begins with adding a minor impairment to each party of this fabulous relationship. The important fact is not why, but rather simply the existence of the impairments. With the impairments in place a stubbornness and an insecurity developed on different sides. Very human traits which at first caused only minor conflict expressed in very subtle posturing. As one party grew less willing to communicate, the other became more demanding to overcome the insecurity the lack of communication fostered. The lack of communication continually exacerbated the insecurity until conflict openly erupted in the form of an argument. From the stubborn side physical separation seemed the only apparent short term answer, at least until the impairments were resolved. But, this is where it really got bad. The insecurity was taken to new levels by threat of physical separation. It seems out of sight is not always out of mind. Insecurity led to a desire by one party to get a guarantee that the future value envisioned would not evaporate as the other party walked out the door. The toll extracted was a loss of freedom of mere stuff. This falsely assured one party of the security of the relationship, while to the other party the hostages became a symbol of a cause, the plight of freedom itself, that need to be righted. The cause becoming a righteous focus of one side rather than an agreed upon ultimate goal of the relationship. Both sides had something to fight for, one security, the other the hostage. While the cause was clearly temporal for both sides neither could see it. Blinded by self absorption, a victim of their own making on one side, and a martyr on the other. The cause and the need for security, allowed the situation to escalate into a chain reaction that ultimately destroyed the value of the relationship, or at a minimum modified it's value significantly. In came something new that the relationship had not seen previously. Through the intervention of peace keepers order was restored, loss of freedom was restored, and the hostage was freed. In the process of resolution a simple human frailty, retribution, crept in prior to peace. Forgiveness could have been easy at many points a "I'm sorry" from either side would have been an easy fix even with a nights physical separation. Instead, an attempt was made under impairment to permanently damage the reputation, and freedom of one party, through a lie. A lie to the peace keepers, in a temporal moment of impairment, that could permanently harm the other party, and a previously uninvolved third party, without cause other than insecurity. How does damage of that nature for that reason, satisfy insecurity? Is this the nature of self-destruction, so easily leaving the lips within a moment of time, a real humanness? Personally I found myself resorting to the truth, even with potential negative consequences to others, uninvolved. Even so easy to lie as nothing was verifiable. But the viciousness of the betrayal, and not understanding the need satisfied, reopened historical wounds so deep that I see the length of time to heal to be a great divide to make the relationship practical going forward. This in spite of the potential value. I am not proud these wounds, nor my perceived slowness of healing. By telling the truth through the worst of the process, I felt pure freedom. While the relationship seems hopeless, I am hoping the freedom will heal thyself. I will mourn the relationship, to be sure, and wish the other party all the best. May this be as healing a process for both of us. My work will be to recast the relationship into one that can foster healing, even if never the same. Talking in abstracts is a difficult task, please forgive any lack of clarity this presents.

Peace one Day

Tools for Peace Camp Reunion 2011

Cool video of kids learning methods of finding peace in the face of adversity.

Egyptian Peaceful Revolution is an inspiration to all of us that hope that peace has a chance to reign in our world.

The spirit of the revolution is simple, a peaceful existence as this video uncovers.

Hey Jude

A great testament to people wanting something to bond to in the moment. Music does that then add tribe pride (song created by national heroes) and you get something spectacular. This was an example of commerce with a heart, of bringing the world together instead of exploiting it.

Thousands singing Karaoke: Hey Jude in Trafalgar square.

My guess is if you take the rescue workers from around the world that have come together in Haiti recently to do wonderful things, they would not choose to go to war against the countries from which they have seen the light of the human spirit. Why then wouldn't our leaders choose peace over war?

Just ask them for: song, dancing and peace everywhere around the world!

Invictus

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

Words worthy of peace

Could words create peace in our world? What words would it take to move me enough to choose peace over conflict? How do I go from reading or hearing about peace to choosing peace?

Words have moved society in the past. Seemingly mobilized people for social change. Were they words alone?

What if I consistently took the opportunity to read about peaceful activities, visions that a peaceful world might bring about, how peace could effect my life, how peace is effecting others lives around the world, the focus of peaceful activities on saving our environment and providing a safe world for my children and all the children to grow up in, could this help bring about peace?

In some countries, most today perhaps, voting can influence peace over war. If those on a public payroll knew there salary depended up on their peaceful efforts and thought that their constituency would only pay them for peaceful activities, might that influence them? Some perhaps, others possibly not so much.

I will never refuse to believe that in their hearts most want peace, for themselves, for their children, for their loved ones, and for others. To achieve peace I only have to activate that desire in action when presented with the opportunity. Does peace require sacrifice? Less sacrifice earlier than later. If we allow those not seeking peace to run our governments or our lives, the sacrifice to get peace will become larger. Look at our past. If we give power to those who will use it to create war, it is only harder as time passes to remove them from power. Even in countries where leaders are elected some element of society is made dependent upon that war for prosperity. Those dependent will themselves fight for the right to wage war, even creating war to retain their power or increase their wealth. How do we break this cycle? Sacrifice for peace now, and it will be the least possible cost.

Why should I sacrifice for peace? What if others do not sacrifice and peace does not come, is my sacrifice wasted? At the end of my life, when it flashes before my eyes, or I ponder it at length, will I remember those sacrifices as worthy? More than the moment I could have read a book, taken a walk, watched a movie, talked with a friend, hugged my children, or kissed a loved one? Would I remember it more than the time I took to watch TV, eat at fast food, drinking a beer/wine/soda, desire a gadget, spend a buck or even make a buck? Would I remember a vote for peace? Would I remember volunteering for a cause? Would I remember a conversation about choosing peace vs war?

What makes a memory worthy of end of life?