Recent insights on why peace breaks down

Through recent personal experience I have come to know the breakdown of peace within my relationships. I will attempt to describe the insights I have gained from this lesson. A very dear long term relationship is coming to a dramatic changing point. In the hours preceding that decision, the outlook for the relationship looked very bright. Both parties were looking forward to many positive returns. Each investing effort and seeing the value, like any healthy relationship. So my story begins with adding a minor impairment to each party of this fabulous relationship. The important fact is not why, but rather simply the existence of the impairments. With the impairments in place a stubbornness and an insecurity developed on different sides. Very human traits which at first caused only minor conflict expressed in very subtle posturing. As one party grew less willing to communicate, the other became more demanding to overcome the insecurity the lack of communication fostered. The lack of communication continually exacerbated the insecurity until conflict openly erupted in the form of an argument. From the stubborn side physical separation seemed the only apparent short term answer, at least until the impairments were resolved. But, this is where it really got bad. The insecurity was taken to new levels by threat of physical separation. It seems out of sight is not always out of mind. Insecurity led to a desire by one party to get a guarantee that the future value envisioned would not evaporate as the other party walked out the door. The toll extracted was a loss of freedom of mere stuff. This falsely assured one party of the security of the relationship, while to the other party the hostages became a symbol of a cause, the plight of freedom itself, that need to be righted. The cause becoming a righteous focus of one side rather than an agreed upon ultimate goal of the relationship. Both sides had something to fight for, one security, the other the hostage. While the cause was clearly temporal for both sides neither could see it. Blinded by self absorption, a victim of their own making on one side, and a martyr on the other. The cause and the need for security, allowed the situation to escalate into a chain reaction that ultimately destroyed the value of the relationship, or at a minimum modified it's value significantly. In came something new that the relationship had not seen previously. Through the intervention of peace keepers order was restored, loss of freedom was restored, and the hostage was freed. In the process of resolution a simple human frailty, retribution, crept in prior to peace. Forgiveness could have been easy at many points a "I'm sorry" from either side would have been an easy fix even with a nights physical separation. Instead, an attempt was made under impairment to permanently damage the reputation, and freedom of one party, through a lie. A lie to the peace keepers, in a temporal moment of impairment, that could permanently harm the other party, and a previously uninvolved third party, without cause other than insecurity. How does damage of that nature for that reason, satisfy insecurity? Is this the nature of self-destruction, so easily leaving the lips within a moment of time, a real humanness? Personally I found myself resorting to the truth, even with potential negative consequences to others, uninvolved. Even so easy to lie as nothing was verifiable. But the viciousness of the betrayal, and not understanding the need satisfied, reopened historical wounds so deep that I see the length of time to heal to be a great divide to make the relationship practical going forward. This in spite of the potential value. I am not proud these wounds, nor my perceived slowness of healing. By telling the truth through the worst of the process, I felt pure freedom. While the relationship seems hopeless, I am hoping the freedom will heal thyself. I will mourn the relationship, to be sure, and wish the other party all the best. May this be as healing a process for both of us. My work will be to recast the relationship into one that can foster healing, even if never the same. Talking in abstracts is a difficult task, please forgive any lack of clarity this presents.